Now when I see a flivver rattling by with soap, tin cans and the “just married” epithet, I can’t help but thinking the State ‘just married’ a pair of homosexuals. Hallelujah. It makes me smile. What of the controversy? What does it matter? They might have married a trio of homosexuals, or a quartet of mixed couples that really fell for each other hard in a swap, talked it over and decided that their economic outlook would be greatly enhanced if they could merge their assets as well as their asses. The fear that society might breakdown if people might be allowed to marry as they please, or, in general, do as they please, picks up steam like a hurricane over the oily, warming oceans when one considers that ‘doing as one pleases’ might mean marrying a horse or horses. My wife was fond of saying that “I should have married that cat.” Of course, she was referring to the last cat, the beloved one that finally died. She was supposing that marriage to her precluded an additional marriage to another, Mormon-style, never mind what sex or species. The cat was female, by the way. The problem with marrying outside the species is that the dolphin genius I’ve been dating has no use for the house, and will jilt the bank for the mortgage in the event of my untimely (or timely) death. I do think that the pets need to be taken care of in a will.
Speaking of banks, they seem to be able to merge more or less as they please here in the land of the fee. There are some restrictions on the conduct of business, from a legal standpoint. When it comes to conjoining of assets, these individuals (and yes, they have been lately granted a standing on par with the sovereignty of individuals) are free to ‘marry’ as they please. If the impact to the integrity of society should be examined for people of the same sex, shouldn’t the question be raised for businesses of the same type? We’ve been down this road before, politically. There once were anti-trust laws. They may still be on the books, but who’s reading those books? Again, what does it matter? No matter what the sign says outside the local branch, once some new and clever money making fee is discovered by one, it races like a wildfire in the diminishing habitat through all such institutions, whether merged or just inhabiting the same shack in the mall. Pick up your phone bill and see if there’s a fee for not making long distance calls. It’s a tax I say, a tax! Letting Sachs sit on the regulatory board is one of those brilliant socialist manoeuvres that is lauded on signs at tea parties across the nation in this election year. Tax every American. Why the controversy here? Oh, it’s because money is involved.
By the way, Hitler may very well have had some Jewish blood in his veins. He married his kinky mistress moments before they committed double suicide. But he came up with the interstate highway and the Volkswagen. This must be kept in mind when preparing for a rally, brush poised over the poster board, ready to demonize your favorite opposition candidate with an unfashionable little moustache. The bones rattling by on the four lane highway of history, doused in gasoline and shrouded in mystery sport the signage: “just married.”
To sum up, I support gay marriage. I support animal rights. I oppose the war, and that means any war. I support the right to bear arms. I am in favor of legalizing and taxing marijuana, and people that want to take LSD should be able to get it in properly controlled conditions. I support limits on capitalism. I don’t think that being essentially a ‘socialist’ (that is, in favor of a government sponsored, tax payer supported program to help those in need, such as Medicare) negates my support for free enterprise. I don’t mind paying taxes and think everyone should try it. I’m a liberal. I’m not totally disenchanted with government, but I lean towards anarchy. I decry the idiocy of national discourse, both as it is now, but also as it has always been since the earliest recorded history. I vote. I myself, by virtue of my beliefs, often feel like an endangered species.